Today I woke up feeling very overwhelmed with everything in life. I am still feeling that way there is just so much going on and I have no way to deal with it all, no way to handle to it. I have given up on finding happiness and on life itself. I know people will say there’s so much to life to enjoy but for me there really isn’t. I thought I figured out a way to solve some of my problems and that fell through just like it always does, it’s a never ending cycle for me. When I try to stay positive life shows me why that was a mistake so I always keep my hopes low and even still they somehow to get crushed or popped or whatever it is you do to hopes when they let you down. My strength is slowly fading and no one sees it, most days I take pills just to make it until tomorrow. Everyone thinks I’m fine that I’m doing better but I am not I am slowly fading I am slowly getting closer to loosing this battle I keep fighting because everyone ask me too, but I just don’t see the point in it anymore. People say be positive things will happen well I tried to that, and guess what it didn’t happen actually things got worse. I’m probably about to be evicted on top of no car and no insurance and lots and lots of other things. Sure I guess I brought this on myself because I wasn’t strong enough to work and deal with my depression like people would like me to do and for that I guess I am sorry. See what they don’t understand is how hard it is for me to just get out of bed in the morning and use the bathroom let alone get dressed and brush my teeth and eat and shower and then drive/bus to work, then to sit at work for 8hrs getting stressed out and my anxiety come strong and not to mention when you get those calls that just overwhelm you. I know I know I don’t know those people so why let those calls bother me well it’s simple I am a caring person hearing someone cry does upset me. I know it doesn’t bother some people they can laugh about it and etc but not me. I mean that is if I even make it that far into the day without breaking down myself. Those people who say just go back to work don’t understand how hard it is for me to “just” go back to work. I know it would help me out financially but mentally my depression just won’t let me. I barely eat anymore I don’t cook I don’t clean I just don’t have the energy or strength to do anything anymore. And honestly at this point I don’t care.

 

 

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