As I sit here looking at all the pills in front of me and seriously consider taking my life I find myself wondering how it got this bad? When did I (someone who was so happy all the time) end up being so sad? no not sad depressed even worse than that when did I get this low? I was always the person who could see the good in life now I just see the bad.. I was the girl who everyone of her friends could turn to when they were in need and without hesitating I could give them the best advice and cheer them up. But why can’t I cheer myself up? Why is that when I having such bad thoughts (yes I try to change them and think positive but it doesn’t work) I can’t break them.  I try so hard to get them out of my mind I really do but they come back even when I’m sleeping I wake up in tears now. And not the good happy tears the damn I woke up and I’m still alive tears. I’ve been having nightmares lately about my moms ex (and sure according to a certain person in my family I need to just get over it), but that is easier said then done. I know I need to talk to someone about these things and the way I’m feeling but it’s hard when you have no income coming in, so you have to use public therapy. My wait time over 2 weeks and that’s with my doctor calling them and telling them it’s urgent. So for now you guys are who I talk to about it all, and I will just have to keep praying to God for the strength to make it until April 12th because honestly right now I don’t think I can make. It’s just all too much for me. But Remember:

**Everyday may not be good but there is a little good in everyday**

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