What a good start to the day I am blessed to just have woken up. Today I actually have energy (yay me), those who are or who have suffered from depression know what an amazing feeling it is to wake up in a relatively good mood, and to actually have energy to top it off it is a big accomplishment. I know it’s only one day but eventually one day will turn to two and then three and then four and before I know it I will be waking up this way more than I am waking up wishing that I didn’t wake up. Today isn’t over yet I know but I have already also got out for a walk with Joe (I am very out of shape), and got a call for a job interview. I don’t plan to leave where I work now I would like to continue part time there because well I LOVE the people who I have met through my time there, but I would also like to work part time in a place where I get to interact with customers face to face. (I know I can’t believe it either but I do miss the face to face). Now all of these things are very positive things, don’t let these things fool you I still have had some “I hate life” kind of thoughts today but the good thoughts have been able to push them, the good thoughts have been able to help me to see that I do have a future and I may have hit the bottom but there is only one way to go up from there right? It’s the small steps that lead to the big steps and right now the small steps are everything to me and are everything to my family. Speaking of my family some of them came over a few days ago and I realized part of the reason I feel so lonely even though Joe is here is because I miss them. Yes I know they’re in Halifax and not far but think about this way the first 29 years of my life I have always lived with and been around my family majority of the time. I know crazy I am 30 and just moved out for the first time when I was 29 with Joe. At first it wasn’t so bad because we would get my nephew at least once a week (usually more because he loves us *we spoil him*) but then he started daycare full time so we lost our time with him, and I don’t get to see my family much anymore (it’s hard for me to get out the house with my depression and anxiety ) and they didn’t really realize how bad I was getting so they didn’t visit often, but that visit felt like home. I have never lived with just two people before I come from a big family so this is new for me, and it’s probably why I want a baby all of a sudden I mean I never wanted one when I was around my big family all the time but now that I am on my own I want one, because now my house feels empty and lonely. Big families are awesome because I will always have someone I can turn to and that may not be true for some of you and although you may not have family to turn to you can always turn to me, if not me than reach out to the resources in your neighbourhood because your life is valuable and it will get better, so remember:

** Everyday may not be good but there is a little good in everyday**

 

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