I’ve developed a new routine, every morning when I look in the mirror I tell myself three things: 1. That I am strong 2. That I am worthy and 3. I deserve to enjoy all the good things that life has to offer. Since doing this I have noticed a different in my mood, I’ve been happier and truly feel like I can beat this thing. I woke up today and it started as a bad day mentally so bad that just the thought of leaving my house cause my heart to beat faster, my breathing to get harder you know that feeling like your chest is caving in and you are doing everything you can just to breathe? Yea that feeling, by the end of the day I managed to go out to get groceries at more than one store and by the time I got home I felt happy. I know to some of you this is stupid but when you look at how far I came compared to last week you would see why I am so proud. What a lot of you well all of you didn’t realize was how bad I was actually getting see I had actually given up on life, I know what do you mean you’re still living right? Well I am still living what I mean by that is I gave up on everything life has to offer; I simply sat/laid here just exhausting. See most days brushing my teeth wore me out (I know gross) I always did brush them it just ended there. I would wake up hating that I did and just lay here until I fell asleep again, I wanted to end it but I kept existing for my family and my friends see I guess a good thing about me is I tend to put others happiness before mine so even though I was suffering I kept existing for them. I would sleep as often as I could because when I’m sleeping I don’t think about how much I hate life and how I wish I didn’t exist, so I just slept and slept and slept and one day (Saturday actually) I finally got tired of just existing I told myself this is it this is the last day you have to live like this tomorrow we fight!! So Saturday I did I let depression take hold of me one last time, and I woke up Sunday morning I looked myself in the mirror and said those three things I then brushed my teeth showered and washed my hair, the next few days I did the same thing and the last few days I went to bed happier than the night before. I am sure I will have bad days along the way I am sure depression will grab hold and wrap me tight into his grasp and it may hold for a day or even two but I will break that grasp again and continue on my road to winning this battle one fight at a time!! So remember that like today **Everyday may not be good but there is a little good in everyday**

Advertisements